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- Posts: 822
- Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2017 10:31 am
- Location: Past the Second Star to the Right
- Gender: Female
- Class: Thief
Welcome to my plea for constructive criticism.
If you haven't read Greed yet, here's the link for you: viewtopic.php?f=31&p=126315#p126315
I've been struggling with this story idea for weeks and have grappled with writing it out since I decided to sit down and actually try to give it life. I love the concept, and it's a decent representation of my style as a writer, I'm just not sure what's wrong with it. (Also I hate the title, but one thing at a time.) You know when you write something that in theory should make you satisfied with your work, but just doesn't? That's where I am.
I'm not going to give any context for the story so you're not swayed by what I intended.
Thank you in advance
- Posts: 708
- Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2014 1:47 pm
- Location: City of Angels
- Gender: Male
- Class: Pirate
God damn that was fantastic. I'm no literature critic, so all I can tell you was that I greatly enjoyed that, Gina, it all flowed so perfectly and Greed felt like a real being, not just a character. You write so beautifully and have such a way with words that it all felt so natural, you write like a pro. The only negative thing I can say about this, if one could even consider it a negative, is that I wanted more, but I also felt this story was complete. That you managed to do that in only one post is impressive. Now i'm going to go read your other stuff.
I really liked how Greed was almost like a child with the power of a god, he loved humans in his own away and derived pleasure from their advancement and growth, but couldn't really see where he was leading his pets to. Almost like he was blinded by greed, eyyyy. Then we he decides to indulge in his own Greed, it all slowly starts to come undone and he returns to where he came from, the void. Top notch stuff, Gina, keep it up.
- Posts: 471
- Joined: Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:45 am
- Location: Louisiana
- Gender: Male
- Class: Adventurer
I'm in agreement with pretty much everything Rick said. Nice work, Georgie.
I love the concept, and that humans had the capacity to surpass the entity of Greed they brought into existence. It is impressive you did so much with so little space, and the main point of Rick's I'd like to reiterate is I want more. For the length of the piece I don't think you could've done any better. Though, if you wanted to expand the story, I could offer you an idea. I saw the possibility of Greed becoming more corporeal, perhaps spending a short time in true human form. I thought that might present an opportunity to make him more relatable as a character. He might make a connection with a human, maybe a romance, and this would attach to him something dear that he would then loose when he succumbs to greed himself. That's just where the concept took my brainstorming, though. Like I said, if you're planning on keeping it short and sweet, you shouldn't change a thing. Wonderful read.